America Attacks: The Stealth Conquest of 'South India'! Part III

Do you really believe that we need 3,000+ family, friends, political supporters, secret service agents, teleprompter technicians - plus at least 34 U.S. Navy ships, uncounted Air Force aircraft, battalions of Marine sentries and attack dogs - and all of these people are really needed for a series of insignificant social meetings with Indian government leaders? Just because the Customer Service Representatives of India are threatening to go on strike, thereby crippling most of America's corporations?

* Ha! *

If you believe that this trip is simply a peaceful, four-day trade mission to Mumbai and New Delhi, India ... I have a Sub-continent to sell you!

The 3,000+ Americans who will fly into Mumbai are supposed to engage in endless socializing and give speeches based on the concept of American - Indian friendship and mutual respect. Can you believe that this crowd of Americans is visiting for pointless meetings, all-night parties and spending money like drunken sailors? Are you kidding? Don't you think everyone has better things to do, from November 6th through 9th?

I had predicted that the Obamas' Excellent India Adventure would cost American taxpayers an average of US$3.88 million a day, for each of the anticipated four days. But, as the number of American vacationers has risen to 3,000 (or more) group members, I have to increase my estimate of trip expenditures by a proportionate amount. 3,000 American vacationers is 87.5% more than the 1,600 vacationers that there were supposed to accompany the President and First Lady, just a week ago! Therefore, my estimate of US$3.88 million a day for the Excellent India Adventure should be ratcheted upwards by the same percentage (87.5%). My estimate for 3,000 Americans spending the taxpayer's money in India is now US$7.275 million ($7,275,000) a day. That is a total trip expenditure, over four days, of US$29.1 million ($29,100,000) - an amount of money that would employ 1,455 unemployed Americans for an entire year, with each of these unfortunate people being paid US$20,000 per year.

But, the dirty little secret is that America will not be enriching India to the tune of US$7.272 million over four days - or an unbelievable US$200 million a day, as the Indian government fantasizes about, in their greed (imagine all those taxes!).

While the Indian government dreams of millions of American tax dollars, President Obama and his administration have, as the saying goes, 'much bigger fish to fry'! President Obama and his administration have their sights set on the annexation of the seven southern states of India.

What better way to conquer and annex India? While all the eyes of India are focused on President Obama and his large group of wild-spending friends, reckless bureaucrats and embarrassed corporate C.E.O.s ... almost 3,000 American Marines (entering India in disguise), hundreds of American aircraft, dozens of American warships and submarines, plus unknown numbers of secret service agents and trained attack dogs will stealthily conquer the city of Mumbai. With the assistance of tens of thousands of American paratroopers and Indian sympathizers, the American forces will swiftly drive to the east side of India. Within two weeks, the American forces (reinforced by thousands of bribed Indian soldiers and policemen) will establish a defensive line from Mumbai in the west, bisecting India eastward to the port of Calcutta. This defense line will face north, while numerous teams of American lawyers, bankers and psychologists will proceed to convince the citizens of southern India to renounce their Indian citizenship. The establishment of the 51st state of United States of America - to be named 'South India', logically enough - will lead inexorably to American-style ranch houses, Wal-Mart stores, pizza restaurants, overpaid sports teams and public swimming pools!

In this way, Obama will achieve has long-announced goal of making America a nation of 51 states, instead of the less-impressive 50 states that the U.S.A. has today.  (In addition, secret surveys have revealed that the people of India are more likely to vote for Democrats than Republicans, by a 2-to-1 margin.)

The answer: Take only what you need and leave the rest.

The southern portion of India has most of the chromite (chromium) and diamond mines. When was the last time you saw a car or truck without chrome? Don't most American brides wear a diamond ring on the day of her wedding? Enough said. South India is the world's second largest producer of groundnuts (known by Americans as 'peanuts') and we all understand the hundreds of uses for peanuts and peanut oil, don't we? Peanuts are in huge demand all around the world. So, America will be the third largest producer of peanuts, while the American government will control the second largest producer of peanuts, southern India. Can you say, 'Global Power Grab'?

The new state of South India will also include the thriving metropolis of Mumbai, with it's vast array of four-star and five-star hotels. These beautiful tourist destinations are, in themselves, worth a few sunken American ships and some crashed American aircraft.

After we quickly conquer the seven southern states of India, we will consolidate them into a large new United State, which we will rename as 'South India'. A puppet government will be installed to create the appearance of American democracy in action. Of course, the next task for government officials will be to establish a Land Grant college, the "University of South India". (Followed by a raging argument over the selection of the university's new mascot; then followed by the hotly-debated choice of school colors for the University of South India sports teams.)

As any good magician will tell you, it's all about the sleight of hand ... and misdirecting the attention of the audience.

While the eyes of India's leaders are watching President Barack Obama drone through a pointless speech to the Indian parliament, by way of his teleprompter ... while India's military leaders maintain their endless, nervous lookout toward the northwest, northern and northeast borders, anxious about a half-dozen external enemies ... the American President will be guiding the U.S. military in a sneak attack upon the southern half of India. The Indian military generals will try to redeploy southward to halt the American invasion, but it will be far too late.

President Barack Obama may come across as a vapid, self-centered hedonist, but India will soon discover that his face is a mask that disguises the leadership skills of Napoleon Bonaparte. First Lady Michelle Obama may appear to be a socialite wife with nutritional tunnel-vision, but her endless lecturing about trans-fats and salt intake is only a disguise for Michelle's addiction to those deliriously delicious 'groundnuts', the lowly peanut. Now you know the real reason why the Obamas' are leading this Excellent Indian Adventure.

India is a great sub-continent ... and the U.S. only wants half of it!

If you would like to read the article that started this three-part series about the Obamas' Excellent India Adventure, simply click here.