First E-mail from Obama's Entertainment Czar

Note: As the President of the "Barack for United Nations' Chief Organizer" association, we were pleased to have the following e-mail forwarded to us by the author's mother, Ethylene Laughinghouse. Ms. Laughinghouse is a Founding Member of our proud organization. Ethylene was the Committee Chairwoman behind our successful campaign to award the Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama in 2009, after he had been in office for just a few weeks. (Way to go, Ethylene! You're the gas that makes us go!)

Anyhow, Ethylene is the deservedly proud mother of Mr. Bruce Laughinghouse, who was the first Czar to be appointed by the Obama White House in 2011. Bruce, you make your mother - and all of us here at BUNCO - very proud to know you!

Without further ado, we present the latest e-mail from our 'inside source' at the White House:

TO: ethylenelaughinghouse @ progressivecateringcollectiveofchicago.org

FROM: laughinghouse.bruce @ whitehouse.gov

Hi Mom! How are you? I am fine.

It's been an exciting two months since I became the Entertainment Director for the President (a.k.a. the 'Entertainment Czar'). As you know, I got this GREAT JOB when the last Entertainment Czar was volunteered to stay behind in Mumbai and support our effort to "borrow" the southern half of India (editor's note: for details on the Indian strategy, click here ...). So, you were right! When you offered to cater free food to the Mayor of Chicago - and his political buddies - your generosity did pay off with a cool job for me! Thank you once again. Mom!

As the Director of Entertainment for the White House, I have come to see this job as a fascinating mixture of caterer, travel planner, recreation director, presidential confidante, nanny, butler, waiter, gofer, golf caddy and dog sitter. But, how many college graduates working as a "golf caddy and dog sitter" earn great benefits and a sweet $159,000 yearly salary?! Ha, ha! Now, at last, I have proven that all of my Restaurant Management professors were wrong about me! (With your help, of course, Mom.)

According to David Axelrod, it really helped me that I got my Bachelor of Arts degree in Restaurant Management from Harvard!  Go Crimson!

Well, enough about me.

Most of our crew accompanied President Obama back home from South America and, as the Entertainment Czar, I was once again privy to lots of inside information while serving drinks to the President and his 'Inner Circle'. For example, I never knew that the President taught Constitutional Law part-time at the University of Chicago Law School! Did you? Best of all, did you know his students at U. C. Law included Eric Holder, Sean Penn, Danny Glover, Monica Lewinsky and William Ayers? Wow!

Unfortunately, I missed at least half the conversation because they kept sending me down to the hold of Air Force One. The stupid dogs were howling and barking so loud! The President's famous water spaniel is named Bo, as you know, and Bo is noisy, slobbery, kinda dumb, but very friendly. Unfortunately, as a water spaniel, Bo doesn't 'hold his water' very well and I am constantly cleaning up after him. Yet, Bo isn't the worst Presidential dog I have to take care of ... that honor belongs to the second dog foisted on to the President. Doggie number two hates me and he hates clean carpets, too. You know how Bo was a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy? Well, Bozo was the second puppy donated to President Obama, this time by former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. (Bozo is hardly known to most of the public, because of his many bad habits.) Bozo pees and poops at half-hour intervals, not just on computers, but also on carpets, chairs and government reports ... not to mention peeing in Michelle's garden and on the White House lawn! Where Bozo goes, nothing grows.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the attached images of Bo and Bozo. They are quite a handful for me (yuck, yuck, yuck!) ...

Mom, I have to go now. We're about to have a big pow-wow about the Libyan 'No-Fly Zone' and it'll be interesting to watch Obama and Hillary Clinton get bitchy with each other, like usual. I bet they're both sharpening their finger nails, right now! MEOW!! (I'll be serving the Indonesian beer and Wensleydale cheese cubes.)

I will soon shoot you another e-mail from right here, in the most powerful headquarters, of the most powerful man, in the most powerful nation on Earth! Yow-zah! If I didn't have to clean up dog doody - and serve cheeseburgers to the First Family at all hours of the day and night - I would swear that I have the best job in America!!

I'll shoot you my next E-mail Report, as soon as I get a chance.  Luv ya, Mom! :-)

Your favorite Entertainment Czar,

Sebastian 'The Man' Laughinghouse

March 22, 2011